Why Vulnerability Is a Powerful Tool for Caregivers

Here’s why I believe vulnerability is such a powerful tool for caregivers. I have struggled with feeling vulnerable my entire life. Even today, with all the life miles behind me and so many lessons learned, allowing myself to be vulnerable is still a challenge, setting off alarms in my heart and soul.

What I do possess now is the wisdom I’ve gained from allowing myself to test the vulnerability waters. When I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, so far, I haven’t died and there were times when my vulnerability helped me gain support, insight, and help.

I remember the first time I stumbled on being vulnerable with my Mom after she was diagnosed with Dementia and I became her caregiver. One day, I was just worn out, exhausted, and scared and must have been radiating child-in distress signals because she asked me what was wrong. I was too tired to put on a happy face and say I was fine so she wouldn’t worry, so said I was “just” tired and worn out and was not having the best day.

To my surprise, she came back almost immediately with clarity she haven’t shown for some time and said “well that’s because you are running around taking care of us, you need to take a little break!”

She said it with love and concern.  I was completely surprised and quite honestly so moved I felt myself start to cry. I tried to blink back the tears, gave her a big hug, saying thank you Mommie and I love you. I told her I just wanted her to be safe and promised I would take better care of myself. She patted me and then returned to her favorite cowboy movie she watching on TV.

One of the biggest fears had always been letting my mask slip and having my parents and everyone around me see that instead of a committed, capable, and protective caregiver they would see the trembling, scared, unprepared, inexperienced, and sometimes 6-year-old behind the mask. If everyone knew how I really looked and felt they would panic, mock, criticize and worse, feel unsafe and unprotected. Having let the mask slide down a little and be heard, loved, and supported by my Mom who was in the throes of dementia, gave me pause and taught me a dramatic lesson.

It would be one of many lessons I learned about how vulnerability works. When I allowed myself to be seen by those I trusted and loved and opened up about what I was feeling and experiencing even when it was not pretty or made me feel like an imposter or a failure or even crazy, I was always, and I mean always shocked at the positive loving and reaction I got.

When I was an open, authentic, and vulnerable caregiver, people were not only kind and understanding, they would offer to help me when I needed it the most. When I was honest about my fears, struggles, and exhaustion I found out that other caregivers, families, and friends had gone through or were going through similar situations. They had insight and could offer me solutions and validation.

I realized I was not alone and there was nothing wrong with me.

I didn’t have to prove I was perfect or pretend I was ok or hide my true feelings. The more I revealed about my state of mind and soul, the more relief I felt and the faster I could heal with the help of those around me.

So lower the mask, be open and honest and talk a walk on the vulnerability wild side. You may be surprised and moved by the response, and the understanding and support you receive. Caregiving is hard. Every one of us in service to others feels scared, overwhelmed, and alone. This does not make you a bad or weak caregiver, this makes you a normal caregiver. Share this side of your caregiving to those who love you. They need to know and they want to know. They also want to help take care of you when you need it the most. Your vulnerability and authenticity are a great gift both to them and to you and will empower you during your caregiving journey.

As one Caregiver Warrior to another, I offer advice, helpful tips, and strategies based on the experience, strength, and hope I found while surviving my own caregiving journey. It has become my mission to share my stories and the things I learned about being an empowered caregiver. To help spread the word and offer guidance to other caregivers, I have written a new book entitled “Self Care for Caregivers” which will be released September 6, 2022. “Self Care for Caregivers”  will be available at all major retail outlets including an audio version so you can listen on the go! It’s now available for pre-order and you can find order buttons throughout the site. If you find the book everything you hoped for, let me know and leave a review! Your feedback means thr world to me!