What to do when you think you aren’t good enough!

I am my own worst enemy. No one criticizes me more than I do. I say things to myself I would never say to another human being. I can make myself feel like a fraud or impostor at the drop of a hat! Rather than see that I am unique, accomplished, a good girl and someone who is always trying to do her best, I question myself. I think I’m not good enough.

I know I am not alone in this. Being a caregiver seemed to make this damaging way of thinking worse because the stakes were so high. It forced me to question my abilities and haunted me during one of the most stressful times in my life. I was responsible for the lives and well being of others. I had no room to fail but if I wasn’t good enough how could I ever be successful in my role? Obviously, I was lying to myself, but my self-doubt was a negative influence. My sense of fulfillment was being robbed from me. 

Fortunately, I had outside feedback telling me the truth. I was encouraged, supported and told by those who loved me that I was more than enough, I was terrific! I began the slow and painful process of crawling out of the dark hole of questioning my self-worth.

I want to share some strategies that work for me when I felt less than or like an imposter. Pay attention to the following tips and apply them when you begin to think you are not good enough!

Listen to what you are saying to yourself.

I was told to listen to the conversation in my head, paying close attention to the things I was saying to myself. Wow! What an eye-opener. I was constantly giving myself a hard time, criticizing myself and being negative. It was like constant chatter in my head, and none of it had any basis in fact! These conversations reinforce limiting beliefs about ourselves and lower our self-esteem. The first step to being able to change this ugly damaging self-talk is to observe it. 

Think this instead of that.

Once I was aware of the little devil in my head saying mean things ( Arianna Huffington calls it the bad roommate in her mind and yes, even she has negative conversations in her head) I started arguing with it. I actually began to question the truth of what I was saying to myself. Was I really that bad, incapable, slow, stupid? Of course not! Remember that time when I aced the task, got approval, had that great day, successfully completed that project, WAS TOLD HOW WONDERFUL I WAS?  I was now thinking good things instead of bad things about myself. It only lasted a minute or two and new negative chatter would arrive but the more I practice doing this the better I get at it. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Visualize a past glory or picture a future success.

Don’t compare and despair.

Comparing yourself to others is not only disastrous it’s preposterous. We really have no idea what other people have going on in their lives. Outside appearances are always deceiving. Everyone has some sort of battle going on. We must stay focused on our lives, our accomplishments, our blessings. Looking outward is just a waste of time. Life is an inside job. 

Stay off Facebook and Social Media!

Get off social media! Especially in the morning or at night! Scrolling through Facebook or Instagram is not only a waste of precious me time, but it’s also dangerous. Social media is a fantasy land of people putting up pictures and comments of posed and seemingly great moments in their day. Everyone wants to look happy and successful on Facebook and social media. Which is fine except it is not a real slice of life nor is it a true representation of how their lives are really going. Using social media to judge ourselves and compare ourselves to others is just plain damaging and negative. Take a walk, reach out to a friend, meditate, exercise or read a book during your break instead. Recharge instead of comparing and despairing!

Go where it’s warm and fuzzy.

Reach out, hang out with and surround yourself with people who get you, support you and make you feel like a million bucks as my Dad used to say. Having loving feedback from people you trust and whose company you enjoy is a great way to combat your negative self-talk and habit of thinking bad things about yourself. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. Grab on to the compliments and good times you’ve had with them when self-doubt decides to rear up. Having trusted, good people reflect back to you the real you makes a great argument for that negative self-talk. 

As terrible as it is to beat ourselves up, we are not crazy or alone. All of us at some point or another worry that we are not good enough. Caregivers especially get triggered by all the responsibility they face when caring for someone else. Try following these tips to ease your self-judgment and help you realize how amazing you truly are. Each of us is an extraordinary, unique and special individual with gifts no one else has at their command. Do everything you can to support this truth. You are enough, you have enough, you do enough. The next time you worry, take a pause and see the truth.