Watch Your Tone!

The tone of your voice is an extremely effective and important part of communication. I grew up in a household of sarcasm and snarky tones. My Mom was famous for pushing buttons with her comments and we all learned to keep up, so I went out into the world well versed in fast and snappy responses with tones dripping with sarcasm.

Being able to respond quickly has helped me in certain situations in my career and life especially in meetings, public forums, and especially on those occasions when I need to stand up for myself or hold my own in a confrontational situation. While such fast response time and aggressive tones and language are good in those situations, snarky tones and sarcasm make me aggressive, unkind, and hard to be around.

I had to learn better communication.

I never liked and still don’t like being talked to that way. Once I was out of the house and started noticing that not everyone communicates that way I began to work on removing sarcasm from my life and abusive tones from my voice. Watching the tone of my voice was hard because I was on automatic pilot to put the punch in the tone of my voice. I was also shocked to really see and understand how people use shaming, blaming, insinuating, challenging, and angry tones even though their words might not be and how the tone of voice can be a useful weapon.

My Mom responded so well to a soothing tone of voice.

On the other hand, the tone of the voice can be soothing, kind, empowering, and full of love. When I used soft reassuring tones with my Mom once I became her caregiver, the effect was astonishing. Ironically by undoing the bad habits she taught me, I was able to give her relief and comfort when she needed it most. She responded so beautifully to softness and gentle sweet tones.

I have now made my life’s work to make people aware of the importance of watching the tone of voice they use when speaking. It can make all the difference in the world when you are speaking with anyone, but especially to those feeling frightened vulnerable, or confused. It matters less what you are saying than how you say it. If we examine the energy we are expressing when we interact with someone, making sure to tread softly with kindness and love we are keeping our promise to those we care for to keep them safe and comfortable.
Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean.