There is No Growth in the Happy Place: How Challenges Help Us Grow

I was thinking today about how hard caregiving is and how difficult the challenges can be. I am always trying to find ways to help caregivers care for themselves because I know first hand how debilitating the duty of caregiving can become. It’s not for the faint of heart. It takes bravery, courage, and fortitude. 

The remarkable thing about the journey of caregiving is that it can also be the most rewarding thing you will ever do in your life. I had such an extraordinary experience of caring for my parents. It was never easy but completely changed my relationship with both of them. We healed all our differences and we brought out the best in each other. I have such a sense of peace and gratitude about the journey we had together. I wouldn’t trade one minute of it for anything in the world other than a day or two of having them back. It really was the greatest thing I ever did. 

I think one of the reasons for this was that it made my life so much richer. The challenges I faced became my teachers. Someone how, luckily, it hit me that there was a lesson in each and every bump in the road. With self-awareness and attention to my parents and my relationship with them, I slowly found new and amazing ways to cope with my life. I remember finally thinking that I could be miserable or I could have a wonderful journey and that it was my choice. I chose to have a wonderful journey. 

Although the intensely painful challenges would at times bring me to my knees, I was armed with the ability to say: “oh well this was just another f$@#%*^ growth opportunity”  which helped me walk away from the experience smarter, stronger and sometimes even grateful.

There is no growth in a happy place. While I always encourage caregivers to do everything they can to stay in or get to their happy place the reality is that we don’t learn or grow while we are in our happy place. That place is filled with serenity, peace, joy and hopefully, we can milk that state of being for all it’s worth. But it doesn’t challenge us or show us circumstances that require us to stretch and grow. Adversity is the way to becoming braver and wiser. 

I know how difficult it can be to look at something when you are in the middle of it and ask: “what is this teaching me?”  Yet by accepting that in there somewhere, there is a rhyme and reason to the uncomfortable position you are in, you are setting yourself up for a win. By facing the music you will be better for it. When you can reflect on how you survived and how you managed the discomfort, or the crisis, or the pain, the insight you gain is invaluable. You can also celebrate the strength and courage you displayed. 

So while I wish everyone a permanent stay in their happy place, I know that isn’t possible. So, therefore, I wish everyone can grow and learn throughout the unhappy times and challenges that need to be faced. If you can see the rough patch you are going through as an opportunity to be stronger and wiser rather than a curse, the happy place just might be a little easier to get to when the sun comes out. And it just might be even happier.