The Imposter Syndrome: How it affects Caregivers and what to do about it

There have been times in my life when I felt like someone was going to watch what I was doing and call me out on it. I doubted my abilities and felt sure someone would see me as a fraud. Success would allude me and I would not have what it takes to get to the finish line. When I became my parent’s caregiver, the stakes got even higher because I oversaw their well-being! If I screwed up the cost would be devastating.

I am not alone in this sad and painful self-doubt. Feeling like a fraud plagues so many of us. It’s called the imposter syndrome and it is a serious, scary place to be in.

As we care for others, the responsibility is enormous. I think this outstanding commitment can take its toll on how we view ourselves in terms of achievement and accomplishment. If we have doubted our abilities in the past, this role gives even more reason to second guess and judge ourselves.

Self-doubt is never a good thing, but when it wreaks havoc on caregivers, the effect is compounded and dangerous. This pressure from this haunting feeling, whether it comes from the outside world or the inside of our minds needs to be eradicated as quickly as possible. We need to be confident and balanced. We need to communicate self-assurance and positivity.  Finding peace for ourselves as we manage the well-being of others must be a priority. Working toward balance and self-confidence lets us find grace and peace.

Consider the following strategies to keep self-esteem high and maintain a healthy perspective. These strategies worked wonders when the imposter syndrome tried to work its way into my head, and I engaged in stinking thinking.

Be aware and acknowledge.
70% of us feel like we are going to be “found out” and are filled with self-doubt and the feeling that we are out of our depth. The words imposter and fraud carry such negative connotations and very few of us even come close to doing or being anything that would define us as frauds or imposters, yet this feeling is familiar to most of us. We must be aware that these nagging feelings crop up and be on the lookout for them. When we learn to accept these doubts but move forward anyway, we are taking their power away.

Stop trying to be perfect.
Take the pressure off. No one is more of a perfectionist than I am, but I get tripped up every time I try to be perfect. I then micromanage (myself and others), and I try to do it all alone. This makes me constantly worried about failing because I am setting goals and standards that are impossible to reach. So instead of procrastinating or prophesying I just need to show up and do the best I can. Taking action instead of worrying about doing it perfectly is a terrific antidote to perfectionism.

Feelings aren’t facts.
This is a good simple reminder that as powerful as our feelings can be, they are NOT FACTS. We may feel overwhelmed, worried, or exposed and those feelings are indeed real, but they are not reality. Just because we feel like losers or incapable that doesn’t mean that we are. 

Act as if.
Usually, we feel like an imposter when we are knee-deep in a new situation or something has changed, or we are being challenged differently. The best thing we can do since we are already in the thick of things is to learn everything we can while we show up. Rather than let our negative self-talk take over, we can meet the challenge acting as if it might go well and we will give it a good try. What do we have to lose?

Celebrate our achievements.
Instead of obsessing on what we think we cannot do or all the things we aren’t, we can take the time to celebrate and remember our accomplishments and achievements. We survived new situations and problems numerous times before and many small victories every day. We need to shine the spotlight on all the things we did right and all the times we carried on even when in doubt. Those are the biggest successes and the bravest moments. We all feel scared sometimes, but when keep going anyway, we are heroes.

Remember these strategies the next time you feel like an imposter, so you can walk away from the doubt. Let them drive home how powerful, capable, and able you are. Remember that by just showing up, you are doing more than most people can manage to do. Progress, not perfection!