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Self-Care for Caregivers
The ultimate Caregivers guide to resilience, strength, and balance.
Tips and tricks to stop asking “What if?”
So much of my caregiving journey was spent in my head. Meaning that so much of the stress, worry, frustration, and fear was all in my mind and although these are normal understandable states and emotions, the soup I was brewing up in my head was a poisonous one. I would constantly torture myself with lots of “what if” questions making the future a scary place in my mind. As they say, if you are in your head you are dead!
If you are in your head you are dead!
My job was hard enough as it was without all “What ifs?” I kept thinking about. What if I’m not good enough, what if something really bad happens to my parents, what if I make a really bad mistake, what if I’m doing something wrong, what if that was the wrong decision, what if I hurt them somehow, what if we don’t have the money for their care and on and on and on. This game of “What ifs?” threatened to destroy me on a daily basis.
Get rid of the” What ifs?!”
Here’s a word to the wise: kill off the “What ifs?” Dump them, throw them out the window, give them the hook. Living your life haunted by “What ifs?” is a lousy way to live. I have by no means, driven the “Want ifs?” out of my world completely but applying the following little tricks I definitely can put them on the back burner.
Write it down
Writing down my what if’s can be really helpful. Seeing something on paper seems to take a lot of the steam out of “what ifs?” Seeing the things I’m obsessing about on paper in front of me puts them outside of my head and into the real world where they are not as scary or important.
Can I take an action? Can I fix it?
Once it’s on paper if it looks like a real concern and I need to be prepared for it, I ask myself if there is an action I can take to alleviate the concern or fix the problem. If there is an action I can take it right away and then I can stop worrying about it.
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment and accepting it without judgment. When you can focus your attention on something outside of your thoughts like your breathing or the feelings in your body right now or you can look out the window and focus on what’s happening outside you can interrupt the static in your head and cancel out the “what if?” nightmare in there. There are many free videos, articles, and podcasts on “mindfulness” and I recommend learning how to practice this simple technique. When I focus, really focus on what’s happening around me at this very moment instead of all the noise in my head it’s like I am coming up for a breath of fresh air.
Trust and let go
The most interesting thing about my “What ifs?? is that they usually involve a lot of self-doubts and criticism. I’ve learned that doing the best I can and then trusting that it will all work out feels so much better than beating myself up with worry about things that will never happen. Believing everything happens for a reason and telling myself I am in the right place at the right time doing the right thing reassures me that everything will be ok and the “What ifs?? can take a back seat.
Thank you for this article. It is exactly what I needed to hear.
Julie, I’m so glad! The what if’s are the worst! Here’s to keeping them at bay as long as we can.
I’ve been sailing on the same boat as you! I needed this too! Thanks for this! 🙂
I’m so glad you found it helpful! Doesn’t it feel sometimes like the all we do is pitch the water out of the leaky boat? But as you know, worrying does nothing but hurt us. Much love!
I sent this to my soul mate who has been having lots of doubts, I hope this helps him like it has helped me thank you so much ♥
Oh Ella! I’m so glad it helped and I pray it helps him. We can really torture ourselves, believe me I know first hand! So anytime I can stay in today and chase away the what if’s I’m grateful! I wish peace and serenity for you and your soul mate.
I’ve been thinking about the past a lot recently. I kept asking myselft ‘what if’ questions about the past. For example: ‘what if I didn’t do this? What if I never did that? What if I changed this? What if it never happened? I am very grateful for everything I have in live. Sometimes I ask myself if I really deserve it all. And then these ‘what if’ questions start coming. It seems like I can’t move on from the past.
But this article helped me to let go of the past.
Thank you so much!
I really relate to this. I can have so many “what’s ifs “ about my last. I have to remind myself I always do the very best that I can, and everything I do and every decision I make was done with the best intention. It’s really all ok and I have to be kind to myself. Thank you so much for your kind words!
Thank you for this article! It has helped me see my thoughts and journal the pointers you mentioned. I am in a new relationship and it’s been very healthy and healing for me. I am doing the work to get out of my head and remove the weight of “what ifs”.
I love the phrase you used “the weight of the “what ifs”! It’s so true, they weigh on us and keep us locked down with fear. We have to fight them off! I’m so glad the tips were helpful.