Seagulls, My Dad, and How to Face a Mini-Crisis

I’m in the middle of a mini-crisis. The details don’t matter really. What matters is how’s it’s affecting me. I’m worried and thrown off my game. I’m aware, thank God of how anxious I can get and my tendency to live in the wreckage of my future, so I’m working hard at finding the solution without freaking out too much.

To try and stay right-sized, I’m getting feedback from people I trust, saying my favorite prayer which is “HELP”, and pulling out all the tricks I have to keep myself calm and present.

One of my favorite tricks is being near water; the ocean, a river, a lake. My supermarket is located in Red Hook, Brooklyn, and sits on the water between Manhattan, Brooklyn, and New Jersey with a spectacular view of Lady Liberty. So, after I shopped today, I took time out to stand by the water so I could steal a few moments of me time to gather my thoughts and try to breathe. The sun was shining, the buoys were clanging, and seagulls were circling above me crying out to their flock.

I immediately thought of my Dad who loved all birds especially those at the shoreline and remembered his joy and awe at watching them fly. They fascinated him. He was a WWII pilot and always said he loved to watch birds in flight because it reminded him of his days flying. He loved to fly.

Seagulls were creatures of beauty and wonder to my Dad and therefore to me. I love to hear them cry out. It brings me closer to my Dad.

As I stood there with my eyes closed listening, smelling the salt air, and thinking of my Dad, I flashed on how upset I was when I saw T-shirts’ and heard comments about seagulls and how dirty they were and how they pooped everywhere. I remember being surprised. Here was something I was taught was wonderful and enjoyed, yet other people had a completely different experience than my Dad and me. Although I didn’t let that ruin my memories or change my opinion, it did drive home how we all look at things differently. I felt like my Dad and I were the optimists and those who failed to see the beauty of those creatures the cynics.

Which brought me back to my Dad and how he saw the best in people and things. Life was filled with wonder for him and he got such a kick out of everything. His glass was always half full. That’s how he chose to see things. It worked so well for him. He didn’t like cynics and he didn’t like to look at things in a negative light. He worked hard to see the good in stuff.

I always feel like he talks to me at times like these and I think he’s trying to tell me that it’s not really how things are, it’s how we see them. Life just happens and it’s how we frame it that makes it easy or hard.

Don’t get me wrong, when I’m hit with a mini-crisis, it stings, it hurts and it’s scary. But that shouldn’t stop me from trying to see the good stuff in it, or at least the lesson I might be learning. I will probably be better for it after this passes and I know for sure it’s giving me more practice at helping myself through troubled times. When I look at it my mini-crisis that way, I’m not so mad about it or so quick to blame myself for it.

Life sucks sometimes but for my Dad’s sake, I’m going to try and see the beauty, not the poop. No cynic is allowed to take that away from me. Those seagulls today flew me to a happy place in my memory where my Dad was smiling up at the sky watching them gliding, sharing his wonder with me.

This crisis will pass and I will be wiser. I will follow in my Dad’s footsteps and find wonder in the flight.

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