I have to lower my standards and here’s why. I have so much on my plate right now. Nothing I can’t handle, but challenges, changes, and responsibilities are all piling up a bit and I feel like I’m up to my knees in alligators. I know from experience it’s all going to get done, everything will be ok, and the sky will not full on my head, but I feel crappy.
Like most of us, I have gotten better at managing my life, finding ways to cope with my stress and anxiety. I love sharing these strategies with everyone in the hope that someone else can benefit and get some relief. However, I’m learning all the time and the more I become self-aware, the more I see the holes I dig myself into that make it harder to get out.
As I struggle with my current state of affairs, knowing in my heart that I’ll get through it with flying colors, I’m doing everything I can to make myself feel better. Sadly, some of this includes extra peanut butter cookies and chocolate when nobody’s watching, and staying up too late watching YouTube videos of Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper.
Deadlines, accomplishments, performance.
On a healthier note, I’m trying to observe myself as much as possible to see if I’m doing things to make myself feel worse (see above). I’m getting better at standing back and watching and listening to myself. Besides chocolate, I realize I’m putting the screws to myself around deadlines, accomplishments, and performance. It’s not enough that I’m showing up and suiting up, it’s not fast enough, good enough or enough enough.
Can you imagine? If I was that hard on family and friends, they would tell me in no uncertain terms to back off and I would be appalled that I treated them that way. Why in earth’s name do I think it’s ok to be that hard on myself. Why do I set standards that are impossible to meet? By beating myself up and setting unreachable expectations, I am making my entire situation worse.
Lower your standards!
So my antidote to this sickness of making myself crazy is to lighten up! Lower my expectations! Give credit where credit is due! Pat myself on the back for what I have already accomplished! And most certainly, lower my standards! Perfect scores rarely exist and who am I trying to impress anyway? There’s no one in the room but me! What other people think of me is none of my business.
If you find yourself racing against a deadline, struggling against a to-do list the size of Mt. Everest, or just feel like you are overwhelmed, relax. Show up, suit up, but shut up! Give your self a break and lower your standards. Just do it a task at a time and it will get done exactly how it is meant to be done. This is not a contest or a race and you are not being judged by anyone other than yourself. You got this!
Lowering your standards is not the answer! Get more help, access additional resources, delegate, the one you are caring for deserves the highest standards, as you deserve the best for yourself.
Thanks so much for your comment! What I was trying to say on the blog was that we are often too hard on ourselves, trying to be perfect, and it’s those expectations we should get rid of. I never want anything but the ultimate best care for my loved ones. I was trying to point out we should feel the same way about our own care. I appreciate your feedback and hope you enjoy my website!
I totally understand. I’m sitting here in the hospital thinking about how my life will be changing again. I will always seek to do what’s best for my dad. I’ve been doing that for a year . . .driving him places, preparing meals, taking care of bills, and preparing meds. Now in a few days he’s going home with a feeding tube for the 1st time. Over the next few months the cancer will impact our lives more and more. I’m grateful for your site that I discovered yesterday. I’ve connected with an interactive blog. People from church have offered to help. I’ve never had to ask before. With all that I have to change my expectations for myself. I have to remind myself that I can’t take care of Dad and keep the house spotless or the recycling caught up. So be it. I want to treasure these last months with him.
My prayers and thoughts are with you, Katie. What you are going through is so big and difficult. My heart breaks for you. I’m so happy you are asking for help and are so grounded in knowing the most important thing is to spend the precious time with your Dad. You are an amazing daughter and a true Carehiver Warrior. Much love to you and your family.