Humor And The New Normal

I just saw the movie “The Judge” with Robert Downy Jr. and Robert Duvall. What a wonderful film.

The storyline goes like this. A successful prodigal son who is a lawyer returns home for the funeral of his mom. His dad, the town’s longstanding and respected judge gets into trouble and ends up wanting and needing his son to represent him. Watching the stormy relationship between the two of them evolve is a true joy.

There is a scene in the movie that struck me personally like a thunderbolt. The scene brilliantly portrays the struggle they have with each other and where the true healing begins. It struck me because it reminded me so much of my relationship with my mom and the similar experiences I had with her. Spoiler alert. If you haven’t seen the movie yet I am about to give away a main piece of the plot.

The father has cancer and is going through a treatment of chemotherapy. One night the son heard him in the bathroom vomiting and goes to see what is happening. The father becomes violently sick and the son ends up in the shower holding up his dad to rinse him off. The son’s little girl appears at the bathroom door and wants to come in to see what they are doing. They both tell her to go away but when she demands to know what they are doing, they panic and look at each other in dismay. The father says that they are fixing the plumbing. At which point they both start to laugh and you can feel the intensity of the situation and their relationship shift. It’s as though they have broken through the shock and surprise surrounding the role change of the child becoming the parent and the parent becomes the child. They have found the blessed space where they can laugh together about the absurdity of it all and come together in a bond like no other. They have found their new normal and accepted it, if even for just that moment.

What I experienced as I cared for my parents and things got worse was that I had to step in with things like bathing, wound dressing, and emotional support, and my parents were forced to relinquish more and more control over their bodies and their minds. The normal we knew dissolved into a new normal almost on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. It was not an easy transition and humor and laughter made it possible. I honestly don’t know where the ability to laugh at times like this comes from but I know I could not have survived without it.

I can’t tell you how to get to this place because we are all so different but I can promise you if you are open to it your sense of humor will back you up and help you through awful times. Humor is like an old friend waiting on the sidelines to help when you really need it. Believe that it’s there and allow it to wash over you anytime you can. The relief and even joy that you will feel if you can laugh when the going gets tough is a true blessing. So laugh as often as you can. The bumps in the road won’t hurt as much and you will adjust to your new normal with more grace than fear.

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Facing the Monsters of the Future: How Caregivers Can Cope with the Unknown

Dear Caregiver Warriors,

As one Caregiver Warrior to another, I offer advice, helpful tips, and strategies based on the experience, strength, and hope I found while surviving my own caregiving journey. It has become my mission to share my stories and the things I learned about being an empowered caregiver. To help spread the word and offer guidance to other caregivers, I have written a new book entitled “Self Care for Caregivers: a practical guide to caring for you while you care for your loved one.”  It’s available at your favorite bookstore. There is even a audio version so you can listen on the go! If you find the book everything you hoped for, please let me know and please leave a review where you purchased the book! Your feedback means the world to me!