How to De-stress the Stress

I am the queen of stress. The worst part of my stress is that I stress myself out about the fact that I’m stressed!

 The good news is, I have finally come to understand that it’s one thing to be anxious and stress out and it’s another thing to compound the issue by beating myself up and worrying about it. 

 As Caregiver Warriors we experience stress as a side effect of the job. It’s an unavoidable state of being. Even the calmest of us suffer bouts of stress at one time or another. For some of us, it’s a daily condition. Wrestling with the stress monster is a big job in itself and causes us loads of pain and suffering not to mention that we become distracted when we need to be so focused. So when we make everything worse by being concerned about how worried or upset we are we begin a downward spiral into a rabbit hole that can become really hard to climb out of. We perpetuate our suffering. Here’s what I learned about my stress and how to stop making it worse. 

1. Acceptance

Perhaps the greatest thing I have learned about myself and my stress and anxiety is to accept it. It’s who I am. I wasn’t born easily going. I think I was born concerned and then having a Mom who suffered from anxiety and found it hard to be calm, I became more anxious. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just who I am. When I give myself a break about it and stop freaking out that I’m anxious, it becomes more normal and doable. Reminding myself I just get nervous sometimes normalizes my stress and anxiety. Acceptance instead of resistance keeps my worry from becoming panic. 

2. Acknowledge that I always survive. 

Been there done that, ate the popcorn, have the t-shirt. Remembering that I have survived and been ok all of my life even if it doesn’t feel that way right now helps take my anxiety down a notch. This stress and worry are only temporary and it will pass. The proof is that I have been in this mindset and place before many times and I have earned the t-shirt. It’s going to be ok. I will this again. It’s going to pass.

 3. Remember this is temporary!

For me, the darkest, hardest part of anxiety and worry is the feeling that it is going to last forever and that it’s never going to be ok. That is simply not true. But when I get stressed and overwhelmed with worry and anxiety it feels permanent. Reminding myself over and over that this state of stress and worry is temporary and will pass is crucial for me to calm down. Just today I woke up with a feeling of worry about something and got completely overwhelmed with the feeling of being stuck in my anxiety forever. After I got up and was walking the dog, I remembered to tell myself this feeling will ease up and I will figure it all out. Like I always do. I burst into tears with relief. I will figure it out! This is only temporary!

 4. Keep a grab bag of tools and happy places

There are a whole bunch of things I can do that I know will help soothe me. Things like getting some healthy food if I can eat, trying to meditate, doing 8 minutes of yoga, getting out in the fresh air, calling a friend all help center me. I also practice the 5-second rule (see melrobbins.com) telling myself I will get through this, I am enough, I do enough, I have enough. 

 I have learned that I deserve to treat myself with love, kindness, and compassion when I get nervous and stressed. Stress and worry are old defense mechanisms that I used for years and they sometimes helped me survive. They are danger signals and red flags that keep me alert and safe. However, they can turn on me and make me uncomfortable and scared. I can coexist with my stress when I manage it with understanding and acceptance. Self-love and care make my stress bouts go away faster!

 By the way, though these tactics help me, they don’t work for everyone. Seeking professional help is always a great idea and something you deserve to do for yourself when you are suffering. Don’t hesitate to get help. You would do it for those you love, so you must do it for yourself. I wish stress-free days for all!