Gifts Of Caregiving – Part 2: Learning To Ask For Help

Due to my general make up and how I grew up, I pride myself on being very independent and self-reliant. For most of my life I preferred to be a lone cowgirl making sure everything I did was as close to perfect as I could make it. It was easier that way. If I could control everything and do it all my way, I believed the end result would always be what I wanted. It made me feel safer and less vulnerable to criticism.

When I began my caregiving journey I was confident I could handle my new role and everything that came with it completely on my own. I mean, how difficult could it be? It wasn’t long before I was overwhelmed, exhausted and frightened. There was so much to do, so much to learn, and I was responsible for the care and comfort of others. It was serious business and I was filled with self-doubt and worry.

Because I felt desperate and alone, I reached out to friends and family, initially, just to get relief and tell someone I was struggling. The immediate response I got was immediately helpful and reassuring. Not only did people listen to me and comfort me, I found advice and support all along the way. I began to talk weekly and even daily to friends who had been or were caregivers, sharing war stores, helpful hints and moral support. The effect of sharing my feelings and struggles with someone else was powerful and life changing.

It dawned on me that I wasn’t alone, crazy or a bad caregiver. I was human and struggling and needed help. Reaching out to share what I was going through turned into asking for and accepting other help and relief, letting people pitch in when and where they could. I ended up with an amazing team that really backed me up consistently, allowing me to take breaks, work a full time job, and take extraordinary care of my Mom and Dad.

Being aware of our vulnerabilities can be life changing

Sometimes as we deal with and care for the vulnerabilities of others we become aware of vulnerabilities in ourselves. Discovering and admitting that I had a habit of being a loner and thought of myself as weak or bad if I asked for help was an eye opener. I was forced to change, adapt and grow into someone smart enough to let others know I was drowning and needed help.

Learning to accept help was life-saving

The one thing I never expected as I cared for my Mom and Dad was to get care for myself. The experience of learning to give myself permission to reach out and get help was yet another gift I unexpectedly received as a result of caregiving. I was able to change lifelong habit of trying to do it all alone and being a perfectionist into self-acceptance, allowing me to live my life supported and comforted by those who love me. Yet another blessing of being a Caregiver Warrior.