From Negativity to Positivity: Self-talk Tips for Caregivers

We all have an inner critic; that voice in our head that tries to discourage and deny us, telling us we don’t fit in and we don’t belong.

This critic tells us we don’t know what we are doing, we are imposters, frauds, and even bad caregivers. It warns us that we are in danger, and nothing is going to work out.

I say the meanest things to myself.

As if the stress we feel as we care for others isn’t enough to handle, this inner voice seems to watch our every move, loves to chime in, and always makes matters worse. Like a dog with a bone, it won’t let up until we begin to question ourselves and everything we do. Are we bad caregivers?

Stand up to that bully in your head.

To combat this insidious and nasty critic, I apply the following techniques to get myself settled in a positive and creative space where I can feel encouraged to move forward. See if these strategies work for you and give you some relief from that bullying critic in your mind.

Don’t compare.

Compare and despair can play havoc with our self-worth. If you can, avoid comparing yourself to others and focus on your own journey and progress. Every life and caregiving journey is different. What works for others may never work for you. You are unique and special and manage your life and caregiving journey with skills and courage that only you process. Believe in you!

Be aware.

Recognize when negative thoughts arise. Listen and pay attention to that voice in your head and what you are saying to yourself. Give that voice a name and be aware when it speaks up. I call that voice in my head that tells me I can’t do something the “Squasher”. It tries to squash me when I have an inspiration or a new idea. I tell myself “Oh that’s the “Squasher” trying to bring me down”. I don’t have to believe the squasher or accept what it’s saying to me. The more I identify the negative voice, stand back from it, and refuse to take it seriously, the more power I have over it.

Be compassionate.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you treat loved ones with. I can beat myself up about the silliest, simplest things. It’s only when I’m being kind and understanding to myself that the critic gets quieter. When the critic starts a negative tirade, I can gently say thanks, I know you are trying to help me but I love and accept myself. I’m trying my best and I got this! I don’t need your help!

Seek support.

Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Let them know how you are feeling. Sharing our negative thoughts and feelings out loud with someone else takes the sting out of them and gives us the chance to get a new perspective. I’m always surprised by the reaction of my friends and family to my negative self-criticism. They are usually appalled that I’m beating myself up and do everything they can to encourage and support me by singing my praises and giving me a reality check. They are so much nicer to me than I am!

Focus on the good stuff and celebrate.

Acknowledge your strengths and achievements to build confidence and self-love. Write the victories, big and small down daily. Keep looking at them. Keep reminding yourself about your past achievements, the times you made it and never gave up, what a great survivor you are, and most importantly that you are serving others and making their lives safer, healthier, and full of love. You make a difference every day.

The truth is we are superstars!

After years of battle with my inner critic, it has never gone away and probably never will. But we have come to a “meeting of the minds” so to speak, where I can acknowledge how I can criticize myself and then be kind to myself about it. It is what it is yet it doesn’t have to ruin my life, be taken as truth, or have the final word. I can wave my negative inner critic away and move on to the wonder in my life. Accept the inner critic as part of your life but take away it’s keys to run it.

If you liked this blog, you’ll love this one too!

It’s Ok and Be Kind to Yourself About it.

 Dear Caregiver Warriors,

As one Caregiver Warrior to another, I offer advice, helpful tips, and strategies based on the experience, strength, and hope I found while surviving my own caregiving journey. It has become my mission to share my stories and the things I learned about being an empowered caregiver. To help spread the word and offer guidance to other caregivers, I have written a new book entitled “Self Care for Caregivers: a practical guide to caring for you while you care for your loved one.”  It’s available at your favorite bookstore. There is even a audio version so you can listen on the go! If you find the book everything you hoped for, please let me know and please leave a review where you purchased the book! Your feedback means the world to me!