Caregivers have every right to be afraid of the unknown. Caregiving can be a scary place where so many unexpected and overwhelming things happen to us. Life as we know it can change on a dime and the delicate house of cards that we have so carefully built can crumble in a blink of an eye.
We are hard-wired to be apprehensive about the things we can’t see or haven’t yet experienced, so we are on alert to survive anything life throws at us. This necessary human response is great for survival in the wilderness but dreadful in our daily caregiving experience.
Caregivers have lots of reasons to fear the unknown
The uncertainty I have experienced throughout all of my caregiving journeys causes me to go into a hyper-alert state at the drop of a hat. As physical, emotional, and mental health are compromised, the walls can feel like they are closing in and the next thing coming might be the end of me.
I’d love to share some of the tricks and tips I use to soothe myself when fear of the unknown threatens to derail me. They have been a saving grace. Please let me know if they work for you and if you have your own secret sauce to face the unknown with a little less fear and more curiosity.
Focus on What You Can Control.
The unknown makes me feel like I am completely out of control of the future, which of course I am! Since I’ve been a control freak all of my life, this makes me extremely anxious. So by focusing on things I can control, I can distract and calm myself a bit. I focus on eating well, getting good sleep, exercising, and researching or preparing for any new circumstances or situations that might be coming down the road. Concentrating on things that I have influence over in any way in the here and now helps me stay present.
Stay Away from Doom and Gloom.
Minimize exposure to negative news or people. Debbie Downers, much of the news today and nasty clickbait discussions add fuel to the fire of our fears. Instead, surround yourself with safe, supportive people and seek out positive places, things, and sources of inspiration. We can choose who we hang around with and what news and social media we pay attention to. Invest your time in things that make you smile, and feel warm and safe. Good, positive input and energy influence our well-being more than we realize.
Get healthy!
When we try to maintain a healthy lifestyle through regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep we insulate ourselves against dread and worry. Physical well-being supports mental resilience and clarity. Even though I often have to force myself to get out and move or eat a salad instead of ice cream, I always feel calmer and safer when I do. And there is nothing like a good night’s sleep. Good sleep is a challenge for me so I work at it with routines that make it easier to get a good night’s rest such as limited cell phone usage at night, cooling the house and noise down, and trying, when I can, to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. The stress, schedule, and responsibility of caregiving can make these healthy choices hard to follow up on, so don’t beat yourself up when you can’t hit the mark of making them happen sometimes or even consistently. It’s a true case of the thought that matters so whenver we can implement these great fear busters into our lives, the benefits are worth the extra attempt.
Build a Support Network and use it.
Surround yourself with a network of supportive and knowledgeable people who can provide advice, encouragement, and practical help when needed. Talk to friends, family, or professionals. Sharing your concerns can provide new perspectives and reduce feelings of isolation. Put together a pack of family and friends that you can count on and reach out to them as often as you need to! I put together a great team of family and friends I counted on to help me when the going got tough. Knowing they had my back made me feel safer about the future.
Learn from Past Experiences.
Reflect on previous times when you’ve dealt with uncertainty successfully and survived it’s ugly attempt to make you crazy with worry. Identify and remember what strategies worked well and apply them to the current situation. I’ve gotten through some extremely scary things and it never hurts to keep reminding myself how well I survived them and what a great job I did not only taking care of myself during those tough times, but how strong and protective I was for those I cared for. I can get through new challenges the same way. No matter what the future throws at me, I have the experience, track record, and ability to survive and even thrive!
Change can be scary.
Fear of the unknown has a lot to do with worrying about the changes the future will inevitably bring. When I take care of myself and use these strategies, I can take the edge off the fear and even entertain some curiosity. Looking back at my life, and all the changes I’ve experienced, I realize that the unknown has ended up giving me a rich roller coaster of a ride that is pretty amazing. Framing uncertainty and change this way has allowed me to understand that the unknown just might have some nice surprises and gifts tucked into it as well as the scary stuff. The future and the unknown are rarely what I expect but they always keep things exciting!
If you liked this blog, you’ll love this one too!
New Thoughts On Anxiety And How To Manage It
Dear Caregiver Warriors,
As one Caregiver Warrior to another, I offer advice, helpful tips, and strategies based on the experience, strength, and hope I found while surviving my own caregiving journey. It has become my mission to share my stories and the things I learned about being an empowered caregiver. To help spread the word and offer guidance to other caregivers, I have written a new book entitled “Self Care for Caregivers: a practical guide to caring for you while you care for your loved one.” It’s available at your favorite bookstore. There is even a audio version so you can listen on the go! If you find the book everything you hoped for, please let me know and please leave a review where you purchased the book! Your feedback means the world to me!
I am definitely a Debbie Downer. I am completely worn out. That makes the future uncertain more than anything else. I can’t force people to help me so I have just given up.
I completely understand that feeling of wanting to give up. I’m so sorry. Thank you for telling the truth and sharing your story. It will help so many of us caregivers feel less alone.