Don’t Assume! Three Big “Don’t Assume” Situations Caregivers Must Avoid

As I was walking in my neighborhood recently, I saw a woman ahead of me, stopped on the sidewalk hunched over her walker. She had her back to me so I sped up to see if she was ok. I walked around to face her and as I did I saw she was not only fine, she was holding her cell phone and it looked like she was scrolling Instagram! Ha! I had assumed she was in trouble when in fact, she was just like a teenager, oblivious to those around her checking her IG!

I find these types of things in life extremely funny and thought-provoking. What other times do I assume that I understand a situation when in fact I’m clueless about it? I’ve come up with a few other  “assumptions” I’ve made in my caregiving journey and wanted to share them. Here are 3 important assumptions I learned to let go of.

Don’t assume you can do it alone

I often talk about my control freak, perfectionist personality because it hurts me at times. When I try to do it all by myself, thinking that only I know how to do it the right way and I don’t need any help I can get in really big trouble. The assumption that only I can manage the challenges of caregiving and I  don’t need other people or help is not only arrogant and dumb it hurts my ability to be a good caregiver. If I’m burned out because I’ve taken on too much I’m not at my best and I’m not making good decisions. Assuming I can handle it all and I don’t need help gets a five red flag rating. Let’s not assume we don’t need help and can do it all ourselves!

Don’t assume they can’t hear you

I have heard it said over and over again that people who are in the throes of dementia or states of unconsciousness hear everything we say to them. In the case of someone who is lost in the devastating inner world of dementia or Alzheimer’s it is critical to remember that while they may not be able to completely understand or articulate, it is true that they can relate to a tone of voice and expression of love. I found this to be so true for my mom. Her face would light up when we spoke to her sweetly and lovingly. My tone of voice and energy made a difference in how I was perceived. As for someone who may be unconscious, in a coma, or palliative care, studies have shown that they hear us and find our attempts to connect to them comforting and reassuring.  Assume they can hear you and communicate often.

Don’t assume they don’t understand

There were so many times my Mom proved me wrong about what she did and did not understand after her dementia worsened. I would assume she didn’t comprehend a situation or an issue and out of the blue would correct me, offer feedback or tell me in no uncertain terms that she was not happy with the way things were going! The first time she did this I thought perhaps it was a fluke. The second time she did it, I realized I had better give her the benefit of the doubt from that moment on! We should never underestimate those we care for or assume compliance or silence means they don’t understand or don’t have concerns or feelings. There is a person we love in there who needs connection.

These are just a few areas and situations I assumed when and where I shouldn’t have. I find that assuming just about anything is asking for trouble especially when it comes to caregiving. Let’s not write ourselves or our loved ones off. Our journey is such a fluid, changing, and surprising one that we all fare better when we base our thoughts and actions on being open and flexible instead of being limited and dismissive. Throwing assumptions out the window saves a lot of heartache and embarrassment and enriches our experience.