Three Top Questions To Ask Yourself To Avoid Being A Pushy Caregiver!

I was a pushy Caregiver in the beginning. My default is to be controlling and demanding. I have lived this way for much of my life because it makes me feel safe. If I control everything and it’s done my way I think I can predict the outcome and influence what happens next. Caregiving gave me such anxiety that I ran around like a crazy person trying to control everything around me. Not all aspects of being a pushy control freak are awful and the good side effect is my perseverance. They call me a pit bill. This was handy when I was battling the health care system or needed to be aggressive with the medical profession or facilities when making sure my parents got the best care possible. I was their advocate and voice and there were times when my silence would have cost them dearly. However, being pushy and controlling around my parents and their home did nothing but create tension between us. We were all having a hard enough time adjusting to our role reversal and coming in like gangbusters wasn’t winning me any points or making anyone happy. I had to learn to take it down a notch and by asking myself a few key questions, I started giving up control and we all began to relax and feel more comfortable. See if by asking the following questions, you fellow pushy, controlling caregivers out there can loosen up a little. 1. How important is it? This became an extremely important question I began to ask myself. Once I answered it truthfully with empathy, I was able to let go of many of my demands. For instance, how important was it that my Mom eat exactly what and when I wanted her to? If she was more comfortable snacking on healthy stuff or even on unhealthy stuff if she wasn’t losing or gaining weight or affecting her sugar numbers who cares? If she didn’t want to shower right then and there, how important was it? We could approach it later. Why did everything have to be on my schedule? Obviously, time management is a great tool for caregivers but my inability to let go of what I had planned and be more flexible made things difficult and snarly. 2. Does it have to be said? Does it need to be said now? Does it need to be said by me? These three questions go together. So often things would fly out of my mouth and would I would regret it almost immediately since it caused unnecessary conflict, concern or worry in my parents or myself. If I’m worked up about something and I feel the need to express myself to those I care for, asking myself these three questions makes me pause, really see if anything is gained by what I want to say and actually make see that what I think I need to say quite often doesn’t have to be said at all. What’s the point? 3. What’s really going on?  Lots of time, when I find myself being controlling or pushy and trying to force my opinion or will onto someone else or a situation, I’m doing it because I’m anxious or scared. Sometimes my concern for those I love causes me to hover over them or try to push them into doing something my way. My way is not the only way, and quite often it’s not the best way. When I asked myself what I’m really feeling or what is motivating me to be so adamant about something, I could sometimes see that I’m only acting this way out of fear or worry. When I worked with my loved ones as a team, allowing us to work together to figure it out, we could all relax and feel good about whats going on. Having these questions is my emotional health toolbox made me turn from an unrelenting pushy Caregiver to a more understanding, empathetic one. I was more pleasant to be around, my parents felt more respected and acknowledged, and we have a more peaceful household. Having a cooperative and calm environment leads to greater comfort and healing. Your feedback means the world to me, Let me know below in the comments below if you find these questions helpful or if you too have great questions in your secret arsenal!