7 Ways To Cope With Button Pushers!

We all have emotional triggers or “buttons”. Triggers are those memories or feelings that may be upsetting or disturbing that get brought to the surface by the actions or comments of others, causing us to have bad, abrupt or powerful reactions. We’ve all heard or said, “so and so pushes my buttons”!
My Mom was famous for pushing my buttons. She could set me off out of nowhere. I used to call it her drive-by shooting. It seemed to me that she would come at me out of nowhere just to get me going or annoy me when I was minding my own business. I would then react and we would be off to the races, having an argument.
After many years and lots of work, I began to realize and admit that not all of this interaction was unprovoked or her fault alone. I had to take responsibility for my behavior and to change the only person I am truly able to change and that person was me. I wanted to learn to respond instead of react. There is a big difference between responding and reacting.

These following suggestions are helpful when someone pushes our buttons. None of us want to be reactive and contentious especially with those we care for who need us to be compassionate and kind at all times.

1. Understand your buttons and make them smaller.
Work on finding out exactly what your buttons are and why they are your buttons. Sometimes figuring out what sets us off and why it matters so much can lead us to answers that help us become less sensitive in those areas. Making sense of and understanding why we get so upset helps heal the issues. We can actually get rid of some buttons and make others smaller.

2. Zip your lip.
When someone says something that pushes a button, take a deep breath, count to 10 if you can and try not to say anything. Trust me, they will jump right back in and sometimes backpedal. Meanwhile, you haven’t fanned the fire by letting something fly out of your mouth you might regret.

3. Don’t engage.
If someone is baiting you or trying to get your goat, don’t let them. Don’t engage in the craziness or conversation or let them drag you into a confrontation. They want you to join in and if you refuse they have no one to argue with.

4. Change the subject.
Simply start talking about something else or ask the person something about them. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. This can shift the subject completely away from any button-pushing or reacting and get everyone focused on something else.

5. Excuse yourself and walk away.
Say, “I’ll be right back” and leave the room or the situation and take a few minutes to calm down and regroup.
Come back when you feel more relaxed and the moment has passed.

6. Tell people about your buttons.
If you are comfortable with letting those close to you know certain subjects or comments are upsetting or hurtful to you, it can save some heartache down the road. Most people don’t mean to or want to hurt those they love and if they are aware of your buttons they can avoid them in the future.

7. Know it has nothing to do with you.
Usually, when someone goes around trying to get a reaction from people by pushing their buttons or being nasty something is going on for them and they are acting out or letting off steam for some reason. It doesn’t make it right but it’s their stuff, not yours. It has nothing to do with you. They are not doing it to you just near you. Try and ignore them and don’t take it personally.

Life is so much easier with serenity. Although it may be hard these days to find peace of mind, inner quiet sure beats being annoyed. By reducing the size of our buttons so they are harder to find, trying to ignore people who bait us, and remembering that most people who try to engage us in a fight are just struggling with something that has nothing to do with us, we remain detached and healthier.

Here’s hoping these tips help you with your button pushers! May they have to work so hard to get to your buttons that they stop trying!