Caregivers! Don’t Put Your Life On Hold!!

I was so passionate about taking care of my parents. As they began to fail and need help I rushed in to give them all the support they needed to be safe, comfortable, and less frightened. Seeing the people who took care of me need someone to take care of them caused me to put everything I was doing on the back burner and jump into their lives. I would be supergirl to the rescue! My intention of course was completely heartfelt and sincere and my concern for the appropriate and loving.

Setting out on the caregiving journey was the perfect choice for me. Other choices I made along the way we’re not as perfect. One of those choices was putting my life on the back burner and turning off the heat. We all suffered for that choice until I got it through my head that I too, needed taking care of. I needed to nurture and enjoy my life while I was caring for theirs and if I wasn’t doing that I would be more exhausted, frustrated, and irritable. No longer superwoman but super wiped out. Burned out.

We All Need Me Time!

I needed some time to enjoy something that gave me joy and recharged my emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual batteries. I looked for ways to arrange schedules and enlist help. I reached out to family and friends and put together a team of people I could count on so I could not only get respite but that I could do things for myself that gave me pleasure and joy and took away the feeling that my life was over.

For me, that meant riding horses. I managed to find an amazing barn near my parents’ house and was able to sneak an hour on Sunday mornings to ride with a terrific group of people. As it turned out they were all taking care of someone! I was doing something I loved with friends that listened to, understood, and supported me. Having that time once a week doing something I loved saved my life, literally. It gave me energy and refreshed me. It gave me something to look forward to. If you are a caregiver, begin right now to find something you could be doing to soothe your soul and make you feel renewed. Here are some tips to get you going.

1. Make a list of 3 things you love to do. Write down things that give you joy when you do them. Dancing, horseback riding, gardening, knitting, bingo, anything you consider a fun activity that you can get lost in when you do it. Horseback riding was at the top of my list. But I then had 2 backups in case I couldn’t find a horse!

2. Pick one thing on your list that really resonates. Take the time to investigate what you need for this joyous activity. Don’t worry about having the time to do it, just think about it! It gets the energy going and instead of worrying if Mom will eat later today, you are thinking about flowers or colors or whether or not you can fit in your riding jeans!

3. Figure out how much time you need for your hobby and how often you want to do it. Be positive and assume you will be able to fit this in your schedule.

4. Get back up. Reach out to family friends and community resources and see if you can put together a team that you can count on to step in for a few hours so you can be free to pursue what floats your boat. Put together a schedule and fill it in with your volunteers.

5. Don’t give up. If finding the space and time doesn’t fall into place immediately, do not give up the fight. You will find people, places, and things that will help you find this precious time. Miracles will happen and something will open up all of a sudden. I promise. I have seen this over and over. It’s like an unwritten caregiver perk. If you stay strong in your belief that you deserve and feel entitled to time for yourself it happens. Because Caregivers are Angels and Angels experience miracles.

6. Do it! Stick to your schedule and take the time to do what you love. As Caregiver Warriors we are always aware that a health crisis or major change in our loved ones’ status may cause us to change plans on a dime and we must be prepared to postpone everything when we have to. However, if everything is status quo and people are there to cover your shift so you can enjoy some me-time do not get a case of the guilts and put your hobby or activity in the forgotten pile. If you let your precious time fade away you will be miserable and act miserably. Who wants to be around that?

Riding on those Sundays was a gift and a blessing I will never forget. I remember talking to my Dad after my morning rides. He got the biggest kick out of if. He wanted to know all the details and looked at all the selfies. He told me numerous times how good it made him feel that I did that for myself. When my Dad passed I went to the barn the following week. I went to the pasture as usual to get my horse Scooby who is a big, tall steady guy. I put his halter on to lead him out so we could ride. When I went to move forward he stood still and resisted me. I moved closer to him to see what was going on. He bowed his head and place it against me, motionless for what felt like forever. I thought something was wrong. I then realized he was telling me something in his quiet stillness with head bowed and leaned against me. It was as though he knew about my loss and wanted to comfort me. He then lifted his head and looked at me and moved forward for us to walk out together. He’s never done anything like that before and has never repeated it.

In my mind, it was the ultimate message from the universe that I was in the right place at the right time and my life was never lost just changed forever. Do yourself a favor and let the universe do the same for you. Get out there and enjoy your life. Find the time and the rewards are spectacular. You are giving so much to others you must be willing to give to yourself.