How To Avoid Caregiver Burnout!

The bad thing about caregiver burnout is that it can hit you when you least expect it. It’s a cumulative condition that slowly builds up over time and before you know it you are in a state of pure exhaustion feeling completely overwhelmed. Burnout is different than the daily doses of feeling fatigue and frustration. Burnout feels like you can’t go on and that you are in a black hole you can never get out of.

I remember one Sunday when I was staying at my parents’ apartment and I woke up in a state of pure panic. I could not get a grip on my emotions or my fear. I was exhausted, devastated, and worried that I was not up to the task of caregiving.

I was working full time and then driving a 2-hour commute every Friday night or early Saturday morning to stay the weekend with my parents to shop, clean, prepare medications, attend to doctors’ appointments, and set them up completely for the following week. I was physically and emotionally bankrupt.

On that awful Sunday morning, I did something that saved me and taught me a really important lesson. I made a phone call to someone who had been a long-time caregiver to her father who had Alzheimer’s. When I called her I was in tears and could hardly talk. She told me she understood completely and then proceeded to give me a piece of advice. She told me to pack up my things, arrange everything in the house for my parents, and leave as quickly as possible. I needed to make sure my parents were all set up but should tell them I wanted to get back early and take care of some things for myself. She said the minute I was in the car driving home I would feel better. She said I had to get out. Now.

I was shocked! That was the last thing I thought she would tell me to do. I didn’t think I could leave them! She said she was sure they would be fine because I wouldn’t leave without making sure everything was set up. She said I needed to get away and get a break immediately, that I was experiencing caregiver burnout. She told me that my parents were still well enough that I could leave early and not have it negatively impact them even though they might miss the time with me. My friend told me I was not allowed to feel guilty because my parents were safe, warm, and cared for and I deserved to get away from taking care of them for one afternoon. She told me to discuss it with them.

I completed all the tasks I needed to get done to set them up for the upcoming week and then asked them if they would mind if I got an early start. Of course, they didn’t mind. My Mom actually said she always worried about the traffic later at night and my Dad said he felt good I would get some time to myself! The most amazing thing was that the minute I got on the turnpike I did relax immediately. It was amazing.

Luckily this happened early on.

This fortunately happened early in my caregiving journey. It was a huge wake-up call for me. I was so intent on stabilizing their life that I completely neglected mine. I didn’t know how to pace myself or even realize what a toll caregiving would take on me. My parents were managing pretty well on their own during the week with my help on the weekends. We were, however, new to the role reversal and my caregiving and the adjustment was stressful for all of us. Although they were functioning and safe in their senior community apartment with dear friends nearby, there was a lot for me to handle. I was wading through things that had been neglected and needed to get their health and affairs up to speed. I had jumped right in pledging to do everything I could to save the day and completely forgot to take care of myself.

I didn’t realize we all had to take time to get adjusted, that I needed to pace myself and that I was never going to get it done all at once or even at all. I wasn’t aware of the unconscious fears or anxieties, the need to control everything so I felt safe or the physical and emotional demands I was making on myself. I had gone to war without any training or preparation. Then I felt guilty because I was overwhelmed and fatigued. But last of all and not the least in any way, I was not aware of my feelings, my limitations, or the absolute need to be in touch with how I was feeling and doing. My focus was on my parents and the job, not on me at all. Caregiver burnout was inevitable.

Time to re-group.

Once I got some rest and re-grouped I had to take a hard look at what I needed to change in my personal world so I could prevent myself from going down in flames again. Allowing myself to adjust, pacing myself, getting rest, forcing myself to eat right and exercise, and most importantly really keeping in touch with how I was feeling and doing on a daily basis had to be the priorities in my life before anything else. I was no good to anybody including myself if I was a physical and mental wreck. Who would take care of my parents if I got sick? I came up with some simple rules and regulations that helped me get back on track and stay there. I’d love to share them with you so you can keep yourself from hitting the wall as I did!

7 tips to avoid burnout!

1. Give yourself time to adjust. When we first take on the role of caregiving most of us try to rush in like gangbusters. It’s the worst thing we can do. Everyone, including those we care for needs to adjust to the situation. Don’t neglect anything that must be addressed right away, but ease into your new role.

2. Eat, rest, exercise. Eating healthy, getting enough rest, and exercising might seem like the last things in the world you want to do or have time to do. But without proper sleep, healthy food, and exercise you are headed for instant karma caregiver burnout. Meeting these simple needs (and they are requirements for the job) will actually bolster your physical and mental capability and make you a stronger, more effective caregiver.

3. Take it easy and keep it simple. Rushing around, over-functioning, trying to do too much at once, and too fast does absolutely nothing for your cause! Slow down, take it easy, and keep it simple. What’s the rush? Unless you have a critical medical crisis in your hands and even then you should remain calm and centered, take the time to breathe, and move forward one task at a time. Put yourself in your loved one’s shoes. If you were sick and frightened would you want someone rushing around you frantically?

4. Ask for and get help. Do not try to do it alone. It will make you feel like you are crazy and wear you down quickly. Reach out to family, friends, professionals, and institutions to give you help, relief, respite, and support. You are helping someone else, let people help you. Even if it’s just making a phone call to someone supportive, do it!

5. Take your emotional temperature daily. Try and stay in touch with how you are feeling. Remember the phrase HALT. Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? If so, HALT, and take the appropriate action to relieve the condition. Eat, talk to someone about your feelings, socialize, and rest. If you are in touch with your mind and body, chances are you can nip a bad reaction or burnout in the bud.

6. Do not put your life on hold. I know Caregiver Warriors by nature are selfless and will do anything for those they care for. However, if you neglect your own life, loves, and interests you will have no incentive to keep going. Even the most dedicated caregivers can begin to feel resentful and depressed. You must find time to enjoy those things that give you joy and peace. Be sure and schedule them in and get help from family, friends, and organizations to give you a break to find that time.

7. Relax and enjoy. I know this bit is probably the hardest to understand or even believe possible for so many Caregiver Warriors out there but the truth is you only get a chance to live this day once. You can be uptight and miserable or you can try and treasure those moments with the ones you love and care for, realizing that life is so short. I found when I relaxed a little and really paid attention to good things that happened during the day, my life as a caregiver was rewarding and fulfilling. It was never easy and I always faced challenges that had the potential to derail me but when I nurtured myself and appreciated the time I had with my parents I did find comfort and even happiness. I have wonderful memories of those times when I was present and relaxed and could spend quality time with them.

Remember that as a Caregiver Warrior you are exposed to many challenges and circumstances that can wear you down, eat you up, and spit you out! If you are prepared and have been taking good care of yourself you can handle them with grace and fortitude. The most important person you have to take care of is yourself. Everything and everybody else falls into place behind that. Catering to yourself is not a luxury, it’s a necessity and a great weapon to defeat the burnout monsters. Once I learned the importance of taking care of me I was able to move forward in my caregiving journey with a better sense of my limitations and wasn’t blindsided by burnout again. So avoid the burnout! Don’t learn the hard way as I did to take better care of yourself. Use self-care to protect your delicate balance and keep you safe and sound.

If you enjoyed this blog, check out the one below!

Caregivers! Don’t Put Your Life On Hold!!