What to Do When Self Care Doesn’t Feel Good!

There is a lot of talk about self-care in the world of caregivers. How important it is, how to practice it, how to know when you need it and how we all forget to do it. Missing quite often is the conversation about what to do when self-care doesn’t feel good. How do we work around the procrastination that shows up because even though something is good for us, it doesn’t feel good to do it?

I’m speaking about things like setting boundaries, saying no, going to the gym, or putting down that amazing maple walnut donut they have at the car wash on 12^th Ave in Manhattan.  I love that donut.

So how do we get inspired to take a healthy action that feels like pins in our eyes? What can motivate us to do that thing that is going to feel so much better once we do it? Here are a few things that get me going.

1. Don’t do it alone. Get support.

When confronting anything that feels like a major challenge, enlisting someone else to cheer us on or give us feedback is a great idea. A, because our goal is now put out into the universe which makes us feel more committed to doing it, and B, having a cheerleader or support system can bolster us up, and make us accountable. It’s great to have someone who cares about us encouraging us. It can really bring home how important we are to those around us and how worth the effort we are. It’s also really helpful to have support and counsel when we have to face a big challenge like standing up for ourselves by saying no to someone. I sometimes bookend an action I have to take by calling my cheerleader before I take the action and after. It gives me encouragement and support on the front end and congratulations and celebration in the back end.

2. Don’t try and do it all at once.

I find when I try to lose 10 pounds, stop eating sugar completely, say no to anyone, or make a major change all at once I end up feeling defeated almost instantly. But if I make small changes, like trying to eat one less surgery thing a day, or try meditating for 10 mins a day, or say no to just one person instead of the entire organization, it all begins to add up. It’s like developing a muscle. It gets built up a little at a time. Taking small bites, rather than trying to inhale the whole pizza at once is so much healthier not to mention so much easier. There’s no choking involved. Developing a new healthy habit takes time. Change is a process, not an event. Making small improvements feels great and can inspire us to do more.

3. Don’t think about doing it for the rest of your life.

Stop thinking about making these changes for the rest of your life. Don’t think about it in terms of the future. You only have to do something or make this change today. Just for today. You don’t have to stop smoking, drinking, eating sugar, or being co-dependent forever, just for this next 24 hour period. Or even for the next hour. Bring the focus down to the actions you are comfortable making right now, today. Don’t think of anything in terms of the future. Let the future take care of itself. We can make one small change today and then see what happens.

Things like massages, facials, naps, and eating our favorite foods are so much easier to plan and do than those nagging I know it’s good for me but I can’t do it self-care actions. Making changes to our lives that require us to clean up our act, eat right, exercise, manage our relationships and time and energy in a positive, healthy manner can be stressful and difficult. Like all things in life, this type of self-care comes with a cost but pays off big time. Even if we start and stop, or try and fail. the most important thing is to chalk it up to being a work in progress and stay on the train. Keep at it. Don’t put this type of change off. Take the first step and get unstuck. You’ll be sprinting in no time.