Grief

Caregivers Journey

I’ve come to the realization that one of the reasons grief is such an awful thing to bear is that when we experience a loss it triggers our past loss. There must be some type of connection the brain and heart makes to all hurt and pain experienced in the past and all of it comes back to mingle with the present loss. It’s a cruel and painful reminder of how big a hole is made in my life and heart when I lose those I love. Each time I walk the path of grief it’s completely different but always familiar. The grieving process is a mysterious one and varies from person to person. Grief can hang around for ages and creeps up on you at the most unexpected moments. There is no set time or way to go through it. No rules or regulations. There is no perfect way to grieve and no set formula.

Don’t rush the process. Oftentimes we may not be as kind to ourselves as we should be while we are grieving. It’s almost as though we feel guilty for being so sad. We sometimes feel like we should snap out of it quickly and move on with our lives. We wonder why we feel so listless and tired or depressed. We worry about our lack of enthusiasm and happiness. Sadly those around us may be concerned and hope for us to get back on track as quickly as possible. Although this is understandable, we must give ourselves permission to take as long as we need to get back in the swing of things. I personally found a lovely, caring bereavement group that gave me a great sense of relief and comfort when I lost both of my parents within 7 weeks of each other. It was good to spend time with other people who were also grieving the loss of loved ones. I felt safe, comforted and understood. It also helped me to see the way other people were processing their grief and how different yet similar all the journeys were.

Allow yourself the time and space to grieve. Regardless of how you choose to experience your grief, be kind to yourself. Give yourself space, time and permission to grieve. Don’t worry or stress out about how you feel or how long you take. If you feel you are unusually or abnormally depressed or you are having trouble coping by all means you should see your family doctor or seek professional help. Seeking help from a therapist in times of grief and crisis is alway a healthy idea. Use all the tools you can to soothe yourself through the process. Adjusting our lives to the loss of someone we love can be an extensive healing process. Allowing ourselves the space and freedom to grieve is the most important part of the process. So commit to yourself and your process the way you committed to your loved one and theirs. While grief will never be easy, it can be a journey that’s doable if we take the same care of ourselves as we have of those we lost. The biggest gift we can give those we miss is the time and space to mourn them. Honor them by honoring yourself.