Firing Your Doctor: Why it’s Okay to Advocate for Better Care.

We recently took a family member to meet with various doctors and surgeons to discuss a potential procedure. We have opted for this procedure to enhance the quality of life for our loved one even though there are serious risks.

We had to meet with 2 doctors; one who would work with the radiologists and one who would write the order for the procedure.

Understandably the patient was nervous and we were all keyed up because both doctors had to approve the procedure and this would be an in-depth discussion about the risks versus benefits. Scary stuff.

There are two types of doctors.

Our favorite doctor was first and he was his wonderful, charming self who filled us with a sense of hope as he clearly and carefully explained the procedure and risks and offered his personal reassurance that having the procedure was the next right thing to do.

He did not candy coat the risks involved but offered his opinion that the benefit of the procedure outweighed them.

The second doctor was a nightmare. He was a pompous, negative person who was not open to discussion but rather interrupted the patient when she was asking questions with stories of gloom and doom about patients who had complications from the procedure. He also felt the need to keep repeating what bad shape she was in. She left that visit feeling more fearful, depressed and devastated.

Our Doctor devastated and scared our loved one.

This was not the mental or physical state we wanted or needed our loved one to be in.

We know there is a direct correlation between a positive mental state and the health of the body. Why would a physician want to jeopardize that delicate balance?

I have met with enough doctors in my caregiving life that I know there are all types of personalities. I have learned to accept the fact that there are two types in general. The glass half empty and the glass half full personalities.

I always opt for the glass half full as long as their expectations are tempered with reality-based opinions.

As for the glass half empty guys and gals, I get rid of them as soon as I can. I believe the team you put together should as supportive and positive as possible. Your loved one’s quality of life depends on it.

So whenever possible (insurance and location considered), when I run into a negative, impatient, cold or seemingly uncaring doctor I fire them. Life is too short for me. I have personally found for every doctor with a crappy bedside manner there is another who is an angel.

My Dad had a bad experience with his Doctor.

After my Dad had open heart surgery he developed a complication with his bladder and the first urologist we went to basically said there was no hope and he didn’t think he could do anything. He also almost threw my dad on the table when he needed help getting up on it.

That was it for me. I requested another visit with another doctor in the practice. We ended up with a caring and positive doctor who came up with a solution for my Dad’s issue. He was an amazing guy and I am grateful for him to this day.

However, there are times I have been stuck with the wrong doctor with the wrong personality and have had to live with them for awhile. I managed not to shoot myself or them by being as proactive as I could be and making sure all my questions were answered.

Applying the more bees with honey method (which is my first choice) I would do everything I could to charm them so I ended up with all the information I needed and the visits were as enjoyable as possible under the circumstances. Then I would fire them as soon as I had someone to replace them or the circumstances were no longer keeping us in their care.

Please understabd that this is my personal take on this situation and everyone must make their own decisions. We are all different and no one story applies to everyone.

It’s ok to fire your Doctor.

However, if you do have a doctor who does not meet your expectations or requirements and the only thing holding you back from switching doctors is fear, remember you are entitled to having physicians who meet all of your requirements including having the right attitude and style for your loved ones.

Never do anything in haste but look around and see if you can replace them.

Don’t settle for a crappy attitude in a physician. In my opinion, it affects the way they doctor. Go for the glass half full in a reality glass kind of doctor. That way you are getting the best care in an environment that promotes healing. You and your loved ones deserve the best. Go out and get it!

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Dear Caregiver Warriors,

As one Caregiver Warrior to another, I offer advice, helpful tips, and strategies based on the experience, strength, and hope I found while surviving my own caregiving journey. It has become my mission to share my stories and the things I learned about being an empowered caregiver. To help spread the word and offer guidance to other caregivers, I have written a new book entitled “Self Care for Caregivers: a practical guide to caring for you while you care for your loved one.”  It’s available at your favorite bookstore. There is even a audio version so you can listen on the go! If you find the book everything you hoped for, please let me know and please leave a review where you purchased the book! Your feedback means the world to me!