I’ve made more mistakes than I can count during my numerous caregiving journeys. Even with my best efforts and greatest of intentions, I just screw up sometimes because I’m human and a work in progress.
Oops! I did it again!
While I’m still learning to navigate the shame that threatens to overwhelm me when I screw up, I now look at mistakes as teachers. I know in my heart of hearts that there are lessons to be learned even though it may be hard to see them. I’d love to share some things with you that allow me to make peace with my humanness and see the value in the mistakes I make.
Learn.
Mistakes are great sources of information and instruction. After my initial freak out, I try to get to a place where I can assess the mess and see if there is something to be gained even if it’s only the realization that I will never do that particular thing again! If I objectively look at the before, during, and aftermath of the screw-up, I can learn so much about myself, the circumstances, and how I can improve my behavior the next time. Asking myself “ok, what’s the lesson?” gets me thinking about other options and things I might have missed, or just my lack of understanding of the situation or my limitations. If I knew better I would have done better. The good news is I now know better.
I get a roadmap to improvement.
Mistakes make me better. We don’t know what we don’t know until it hits us on the head. I’m shocked sometimes by my complete lack of understanding about certain things. Mistakes show me the areas in my life that could use a little work. It’s like getting an upgrade and becoming a more improved model! There is nothing wrong with needing a new perspective and mistakes can most certainly help with that. Caregiving is constantly challenging us, and as we live and learn we become stronger and smarter.
I made the effort!
To put a great spin on mistakes, remember that without the effort the mistake wouldn’t have happened. If we weren’t trying to accomplish something, we wouldn’t have made the mistake. I put myself out there because it mattered. I’d much rather make a mistake than be afraid of trying new things.
No shame.
It’s ok and appropriate to feel sad and even regret when making a mistake. These can be eye-opening, motivational feelings that can inspire change and the desire to make better decisions. Shame on the other hand tells us that when we make a mistake, we are the mistake, that if something bad happens we are bad. Shame tells us that we are flawed and there is something wrong with us. This is stinkin’ thinkin’ and can do serious damage to our self-esteem and positive sense of self. Shame is a dangerous lie that tells us we are not allowed to be human and that being perfect is our goal. No one is perfect, we are all human and every one of us makes mistakes. Showing up and doing the best we can is brave, exemplary, and worthy of celebration.
I hate being wrong but I love what I gain!
Being wrong is never the best scenario and it feels awful. Especially to those of us who are perfectionists. Yet once we give ourselves some grace for being human, we understand that the lessons learned are precious. We can gain a new outlook, a fresh perspective, and valuable information that will come in handy in the near future. Let’s be brave and venture into new territory with curiosity and awe. If you have to take a quick detour and learn something new by making a mistake, embrace that. The alternative is to stay stuck in fear of the future and miss the opportunity to grow and live an empowered life. So, keep those mistakes coming!
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4 Great Ways to Beat Caregiver Perfectionism
Dear Caregiver Warriors,
As one Caregiver Warrior to another, I offer advice, helpful tips, and strategies based on the experience, strength, and hope I found while surviving my own caregiving journey. It has become my mission to share my stories and the things I learned about being an empowered caregiver. To help spread the word and offer guidance to other caregivers, I have written a new book entitled “Self Care for Caregivers: a practical guide to caring for you while you care for your loved one.” It’s available at your favorite bookstore. There is even a audio version so you can listen on the go! If you find the book everything you hoped for, please let me know and please leave a review where you purchased the book! Your feedback means the world to me!
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