Slow Down

Caregivers Journey

I have always rushed around my life. I feel like I have been pacing around since I could walk. Even now when I have a phone conversation or I am waiting for an elevator I’m moving around walking back and forth. It’s my way of keeping busy and feeling like I’m accomplishing things. I rush around trying to get everything done quickly and have an enormous to do list all the time. I can get frenetic and anxious when I am confronted with a task I think is important or immediate. I hurry to address the task and get it done. Needless to say, I have found out that this tendency while well intended, has landed me in hot water. I’m so busy trying to hurry and get it done that I can make mistakes and miss details. So learning to slow it down was a big deal for me. I had to really work at it. Taking it easy was so against my nature in general and part of me felt guilty when I tried to apply the “easy does it” rule. How would I ever stay focused and get things done? How would I get it all done in time! If I didn’t go at something important full tilt boogie how would I ever get the result I wanted? Whoa. Literally. One of the miracles in my life has been horseback riding. I have always wanted to ride ever since I was a little girl. Finally in my mid life I began taking lessons and took that off my bucket list. I’m sure part of me wanted to prove I could be wild and crazy and rush around and gallop all my cares away. Nothing was further from the truth. If you have a good equestrian teacher they will let you know right up front to go slow, take it easy, breathe and get yourself in a calm, assertive but gentle, soft place. Horses are prey. Sudden moves, fear, aggression, and nervous energy around horses is very dangerous. They think you are going to hurt or eat them and they survive by running and bolting. They are 1500 pound animals. You do not want them to bolt or be afraid. They are powerful and much bigger than us and can cause serious injury to you and themselves. I had to learn to calm myself down and take it easy not only when I ride but also in the moments before I approach my horse. I have to be in state of soft, gentle, calm, slow motion. I have to do everything I can to be in this state and should not approach my horse unless I’m in it. It was a such an extraordinary lesson for me and as I practiced it and got better at it I began to able to bring myself down and slow it down. I learned to stop and breathe and take a moment and check out how I was feeling and take action on the answer. As I began to transfer this valuable lesson to my caregiving the results were terrific. My mom who had dementia was less agitated and our relationship softened and my dad was more comfortable and didn’t feel like a hurricane was moving around in the apartment. I had believed for so long that my rushing around accomplishing multitude of things was the most important thing I could be doing when in fact my parents were much more comfortable and content with a peaceful environment regardless of what was accomplished. The only one who had a need for me to frantically get my to do list done was me! So slow it down. It all gets done. Do the task at hand, be slow and consistent and everything will run smoothly. You are in the right place at the right time. Those you care for will appreciation your calm demeanor and thoughtful action.