Getting Away

Caregiver Warrior

I am going to suggest something that may seem impossible for some Caregiver Warriors. I suggest getting a break from caregiving by taking a short vacation or getaway. For those of us who have no back up support and we are the only ones showing up to take care of someone it seems like we could never pull it off. For those of us who feel that no one will be able to take care of our loved ones like we do and everything will fall apart if we left them for a minute, getting away does not seem like an option. When I would stress out about leaving my parents or worry about them when I was not with them, my dear friend Buddy told me that no matter how closely I watched over my parents, I could not really control what happens. He said I could leave the room for a minute even when they were in bed and if it was in the grand plan to have something happen it would happen and nothing I could do would stop it. I lived my life thinking I could control everything and by controlling it all I could keep myself and my parents safe when in fact I wasn’t in control at all. All I could really do was show up, do my best and believe everything happens for a reason. Gradually I came to believe that maybe I could take a weekend off somehow and the world would not stop or I would not be struck by lightening and most importantly my parents would survive and nothing bad would happen. Organizing my mini vacation was much easier than I imagined and I was able to come up with creative ways to have my “shifts” covered. I had worked really hard to create a list of people I could count on for back up and support and I reached out to them and arranged a schedule that met all my parents needs. I was also lucky enough to have my Mom and Dad’s support and blessing and could actually count on my Dad to communicate with me and keep me posted on their status. Please know that it did take a lot of work to arrange everything and I was a wreck organizing all the food, medications, meals, procedures and tasks associated with their care. I also had a battle with guilt, anxiety and worry. However, I did pull it off and had a weekend of rest and took care of loads of stuff in my personal life that had needed attention for quite a while. I felt refreshed, energetic and grateful! Two things allowed me to pull off time for my self. The first, the permission I gave myself to do it even though I was a nervous guilty nelly and the second was the support group of people I had put together that was already in place when I needed it. I know there are Caregiver Warriors out there that are sole providers for their loved ones that think they can never get a break. You can. Begin now to investigate sources for respite help so you can steal even an afternoon for yourself. Spend the same amount of time researching volunteer organizations, Medicare and Medicaid programs for home care help, family, friends, church groups and senior recreation centers that can help you as you would researching doctors, programs, medications and help for your loved ones. I have a dear friend who now drops her mom off at a wonderful senior day care center that her mom loves and the only financial requirement is a donation of your choice! You not only deserve this break, your health and well being demands it. It can make all the difference in your stamina, energy level and physical and emotional well being. That difference will improve your quality of life and the care you give to someone else. Nothing happens overnight and it will take time and energy to arrange a chunk of time for yourself. But start working on it now even if for 20 minutes a day. Set a timer and devote 20 minutes to it. So often we get beaten down by the inner dialogue that says we will never be able to do it so why even try. Don’t let that stop you! Try! You can make it happen! Do it! It will give you something to look forward to down the line even if it takes you weeks to organize it. We all need something to look forward to. When you do get a break the results will be amazing. And once you do it you will think about doing it again and it may even become a healthy, life saving habit!