Having A Good Cry

Caregivers Journey

I have been so distressed in my caregiving life that I have closed my self in the bathroom and covering my face in my hands have cried long and hard in silence so no one can hear me but the heavens above. And at times I questioned if the heavens above were listening. The heartbreak is real and understandable, the frustrations legitimate, and the sadness and thought of giving up are normal. We all feel this way at some point. Having a good cry doesn’t really change much although I believe letting it out does really help because we stop what we are doing and release the pressure cooker of our hearts. We all know the statistics of caregiver fatigue, anxiety and distress. What is not addressed often enough is how we beat ourselves up when we breakdown or get overwhelmed. My first inclination is to be hard on myself for getting to a point that I need a good cry. For some reason I can get mad at myself for needing or doing something that is completely understandable and appropriate. “Having a moment” is completely ok. If someone else was having one I would be understanding, supportive and loving. Why is It so hard to do the same for myself? The conversation I can have with myself after the tears have subsided and I’m cleaning myself up in the mirror gives me a chance to re-group and feel better. That conversation as I look in the mirror is one where I tell myself how much I deserved that cry, what a good girl I am and how much I appreciate all that I do. I affirm that I am doing the best I can, that it’s all going to be ok and I am not alone because a power greater than me is helping me get through this. I am safe and protected. I am giving amazing service to those who need my help and I should expect a miracle because that service and intention does not go unrewarded. Finally I ask my self “what can I do right now to make me happy and feel better?” Then I must listen to that answer and do it. Even the strongest of us have days when it’s all too much. Please be kind to yourself if you reach what feels like this breaking point. I am living proof that you will get through it and you are in the perfect place at the perfect time doing an outstanding job. You are just tired. As my grandfather told me many years ago, rest you must but don’t you quit. Have a good cry in peace. You are allowed. Treat yourself like you would a dear friend who is crying and afraid. Reassure yourself that you are amazing and this too will pass. Don’t let the guilt blue meenie take hold of your soul. You are only human and there will be times when you just need to release your emotions. Tears are a good thing. Every tear brings healing. With all the healing you do for others you are entitled to do whatever it is to heal yourself.