Caregiver Stress Revisited

I often talk about caregiver stress. Caregiver Warrior stress is enemy number one. More than any of the other side effects of caregiving you do battle with, stress is the most deadly. I recently had to rush a loved one to the ER and before we knew what was hitting us she was being wheeled into emergency surgery! I have never seen staff and surgeons move so fast. We put on our big girl pants and handled the quick transition with calm, practical, and positive responses, and everything went beautifully.

But I was struck two times by the effect that the quiet killer of underlying stress can have on us in situations like this. The first was when they wheeled her into surgery, the doors swinging back and forth behind them and I was left standing alone in the deadly quiet of a hospital corridor. The second was in the hospital cafeteria when the surgeon called me to say the operation was successful and everything looked great. Both times I burst into tears.

I had no idea I was so emotionally pent up. Obviously, when someone you love is in danger or hurt or going under the knife you expect to be worried and upset. So I was not surprised I was on edge. What surprised me was that I was unaware of the intensity of fear and worry I had building up. It’s this quiet build-up of stress and worry that’s dangerous. It creeps up on us and can be physically and mentally exhausting, disturbing our delicate equilibrium.

Going through this experience reminded me that I must automatically assume that I am going to be deeply affected by crisis experiences and whether I feel the repercussions immediately or not I need to swing into radical self-care mode right away to lessen the impact they have on me. I must take the responsibility for my own well-being while tending to the needs of others.

Even though I’m on automatic pilot now when it comes to checking my own status as well as those I take care of, I still failed to remember how my mind and body cover for me when crisis hits and if I’m not careful I’ll end up hitting a wall when the crisis is over. Food, rest, fresh air, breathing, meditation, taking a walk and going home to regroup are all bare essentials if I am going to come out of crisis mode unscathed.

Self-care is the antidote to the aftermath of a crisis situation.

So here’s a note to those brave caregivers out there who are experiencing or will experience a situation that throws you for a loop and forces you to go into crisis mode. You will handle it all with your usual grace as you always do but you must remember that the silent effect of stress will cut you down later if you are not mindful of your own body and soul. Remember to take radical care of yourself and go out of your way to be in touch with what you need the entire time you are managing the crisis. You are vulnerable and run the risk of burnout if you ignore your own needs. Don’t survive the crisis only to be hit with the aftermath. Treat both yourself and your loved one with ultimate care and protection.